Hello Adam Friedburgs,
This is your coach, Coach Dick; welcome back fuckers. I hope you are ready for a quaktastic season, because Morningwood is and the kids down stairs are. There has been some changes this year. We had to unfortunately, recruited Todd 'The Toastmaster" Stewart, John "Jagged Cunt" Burke, and possibly Kelly "cum" Dumser. The girl that tattoos herself in her own blood. Team Edward heard this, and now they are trying to pick her up harder than "the situation" picks up girls half his age (Yes, that was a combo joke of Twilight and Jersey Shore). Also, Marissa Donovan may even make one game this year. Mike Slafsky is to floor hockey as Marissa Donovan is to softball, except Slafsky paid not to play. Sounds like Bryant University Greek Life. You notice how the 9 seeds in the NCAA tourny never have white dudes.....WAKE, N. Iowa, FLorida State (phyche) and Robert (Johnson) Morris? Me neither.
If Simmadd Wagstaff and Nick Correa had a lovechild, do you think it would turn out to be Tony Washington? (Google it)
We did lose a few good men this year.....
At 2nd base: Moi Mercediz 3-79, 1 double, 2 RBI, 1R, and 107 errors.
Moi - "WOOAAHHH Coach! IM BATTING AFTER HIM"
Coach- "if you hit the ball, you'll move up in the order"
P.S. if he asks about the team, what do you say? (answer at the bottom of the email)
A) YEAH! Wanna play 2nd base?
B) We really do not know what we are doing this year
C) Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone
D) How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. (Annie, the Musical)
At the drunk corner, Matt Broche 34-50, 4 HR, 5 doubles, 1 triple, 3 DUIs and 2 Errors, 1 alleged domestic violence.
Broche - "Can't play man (vomit)"
Coach - "Hit the showers.....NOT the toilet...oh no, now the hall 3 toilet is broken"
Our Beloved Pitcher- Blake "Douche Dick" Dudack 0-150 100 K 0 RBI (Batting stats) 100-110 0 K, 100 RBI's.
To learn how to pitch like this kid, make sure you watch "Wilderness Survival in Lancaster Penn).
BTW, Puneet has a grey nose hair.
Subject to got any spare change.
C - Puneet "Brown Bear' Mathur
1 - Alex "Sinsberry Surprise" McKelvy
2 - Todd / Kyle "I'm a stupid RA" Rudden
3 - Banana Dick Burke
SS - Michael "The Happy Camper" Slaf Attack
LF - 2 beer Tim Figueritto
LFC - Coach Dick
RCF - Kelly "abovementioned" Dumser, Rudden / Todd
RFC - Greg "Rimjob" Burns
Greg "side" burns
Greg "razor" Burns
Greg "actuarial major" Burns
Greg "my dick" Burns
Greg "I love hooking up with NONNABACKER and michelle coaster" Burns
P - Victoria "Hip Hip Tori" Ruccia ? /dick
OF - Outfield subject to a free tire rotation and Andy "Avalanche" La 4skin
if you did not want to play at these positions and i was off, let me know. I'm as hard core as a drunk little league dad, so i may or may not listen and may or may not make you cry when i pull you of the mound. Also, I'm making the short skinny kids bunt. No, you're not swinging away, your bunting.
Our theme this year is "Bring it on, in it to win it". Let me know about jerseys, i mean it. Maybe Marchoine can print some for us while he's in jail, or make us vanity plates or something. Should we stay "No Game Today" or should we think of some new names
I like
-Sluts Sluts Sluts, one at a time
- The Rod Becks
- Tough Munchies
- The A.Friedburgs (password Ed Wang)
- Hartford Mudwhalers (mudwhales= big fat ugly girls)
- The Milwaukee Beers
- How about that ride in? I guess that's Why they Call it Sin City. ha ha.
- The Bryant Bulldogs
Well this e-mail is already way too long and I did not even realized its now 10 pm on a saturday. fuck me sideways. I'm gonna go make a wax hand and go snuggle up with Greg.
Remember, losing is for losers.
Yours Truly,
Coach Dick
attached.....
1) Mike Marchione the morning after his day of jail
2) Possible Jersey
3) Mascot
*Dictated but not read
- anser t the MOI question is C
